


Come to Her Senses

by FrozenHCs



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Trauma, F/F, References to Depression, Social Anxiety, more descriptions, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHCs/pseuds/FrozenHCs
Summary: A person has five senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. Elsa, having depression at such a young age, uses these senses more often than the others. She has a lot of emotions to give, but despite that, she still seems to look cold and blank in front of people, even to her first friend in her new neighborhood, Honeymaren. Elsa wanted to be expressive and give her full trust to her, but she is very anxious. With her heightened senses, Elsa is unconsciously making herself fall in love with Honeymaren by observing her in their interactions. It makes it even harder for her to say that she likes her when she can't even speak.
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 76





	1. Nice Eyes

#  **Chapter 1**

##  **Nice Eyes**

Black and blue surrounded the sky together with dots of white falling from it. Houses and plains are consumed by the whiteness of snow, and everyone started wearing cloaks, jackets and the like as soon as the temperature went down. Lanterns are lit and decorations with shades of red and green are put. The little children went out and made snowmen with a big smile on their faces, some adults even joining them in the fun. Teenagers brought their skating shoes to a frozen pond and built fortresses to protect themselves from incoming snow balls. Every household is busy preparing their best meals, some even knocking on their neighbors’ doors to share what they’ve cooked. Winter has arrived, and everyone is more than ready to enjoy the cold.

Looking up from her book, Elsa seems contented, staring at her window coated with frost. With a smile on her face, she wiped the frost off of it and peered outside. Her deep blue eyes glowed with yellow as it caught the light of a nearby car, squinting at its brightness. As the light disappeared, her gaze went to the kids wearing knitted gloves and beanies building what seems to be a snow castle. She giggled when the older child raised her fists in the air with the younger one dropping on the ground, remembering Anna and herself doing the same thing when they were younger. The thought of her sister made her slightly frown. She missed Anna so much, but she’s busy with their father’s company, being the CEO and all. She invited her and her fiancé Kristoff over her place to celebrate Christmas together, but with the amount of work on Anna’s shoulders, she declined, apologizing and promising to celebrate with her next year. Elsa understood her as she was once in that position. Having anxiety from feeling left out in her school days and depression from the loss of their parents, she decided to give Anna the position when she turned 21, knowing too well that she can handle it better. She is still under medication, trying her best to remain calm despite the insecurities swirling in her mind.

“Elsa, hey.”

Elsa snapped back from her trance of thoughts and looked to her father figure, Destin. The tall dark man stood there with his arms folded, leaning beside the frame of the kitchen entrance. She blinked, not knowing what to say. He approached her, placing his hand on her shoulder with a worried look.

“Is there something bothering you?” Destin asked, his voice deep and caring. Elsa let out a sigh, implying to the man that there is something going on with her mind again.

“Is it about Anna?” Elsa looked away then slowly nodded, tears starting to form in her eyes. Destin knew about Anna’s situation in the company when she called him a few nights earlier, and obviously, it made the older sister feel alone and sad.

“Shh, I’m here. You will be celebrating Christmas with me,” he comforted her, preventing Elsa from getting more anxious, “You won’t be alone, okay? Now, dear, breathe in, hold, and then out. Don’t let it control you.”

Elsa bit her lip and stared to him, inhaling deeply and holding it for a while before exhaling. She repeated until she calmed down, closing her eyes to rest her mind. A few seconds and she opened it, seeing the man smiling at her with much love that her heart warmed a bit. She returned the smile, but not as warm as his. The man rubbed his thumb on Elsa’s shoulder before removing his hand then patted her head.

“I am your guardian, it’s my job to check on you. Don’t be sad now, okay?”

Elsa breathed deeply once again; this time more relaxed. She gave him the sweetest smile, showing her thanks for always being there for her. Destin pinched the bridge of his nose and folded his arms, the smile never leaving his face. Something vibrated in his pocket, and checking on it, he saw a message and read it. His expression changed into something more serious, but the hint of happiness is still there. He put his phone back in the pocket and faced a confused Elsa.

“I gotta go, dear. HQ stuff. I will be back tomorrow morning. Take care, okay? Text me if you need me,” he told her in the fastest way possible. The matter is probably urgent which explains why he sped off after giving her a quick hug and took the keys to their car. He hanged his uniform on his shoulders and went out, but stopped at the exit. He looked back and waved at her to which the woman returned. Her eyes lingered on the door as it closed, leaving her alone with nothing but her book, scarf and the lit fireplace. After a few moments, she shifted her gaze on the book she was reading, finding for the last word she read, but she already lost focus, so she decided to put the bookmark on the page and close it, sighing as she wonders how hard it is for Destin to balance his responsibilities to her and the police headquarters. He didn’t have to volunteer as Elsa’s caretaker when she was diagnosed as he has his own job as a lieutenant, but he did anyway, and she is very grateful. He even stayed with her when Anna left for their company, knowing that Elsa won’t be able to cope with it on her own. Destin helped her with managing her attacks, although at times her control would slip out of her hand. She smiled, appreciating the things the older man has done to her.

Elsa thought of what she can do while Destin is not around. She thought of going to the balcony and marvel on the snow, so she went upstairs, the scarf her mother gave her being the only garment that could keep her from freezing. She didn’t bother turning on the heater as she is used to the cold and stood there, facing the neighborhood. She placed her elbows on the railings and leaned forward, giving her a better look of the place. It’s the usual peaceful, only except it felt more alive because of the spirit of Christmas coming near. She breathed through her nose and inhaled the fresh air, something she enjoyed doing ever since she moved in. She peered at the moon, amazed by how round it is. _People are most probably so happy here._

It’s her first time to celebrate Christmas in Northuldra residence – she moved in a few months ago after she gave up her job as CEO and transferred it to her sister. It was her own decision to live there, away from their residence in Arendelle, to clear her mind and give her space to continue her medications without distractions. Anna sometimes visits, asking her sister for advice about the company and other stuff only sisters can talk about. She would rant for hours about Kristoff giving their dog Sven a stupid voice and pretends that he can hear in his mind what the animal was saying, to which the older woman would laugh at, amused with her sister’s annoyance. Sometimes Anna would bring him with her for family game night – playing charades and other games – together with Olaf, their youngest sibling. Olaf, despite being 12 years old, always wins at charades because he’s just too good at acting. In contrary, Elsa never won charades as she is _really_ bad at it, even with Anna helping her. It’s not a big deal for her – she already accepted that she sucked at that game. At least she can beat everyone at Scrabble and chess.

“Gah!” A loud crash from the ground together with the sound of something breaking strikes Elsa’s ear, retracting her arms in surprise from the railing and turning her body to where it came from. Wide-eyed, she saw a dark-haired woman about her age sitting on the rough floor, elbows supporting her body and legs splayed with a pained expression on her face. She can’t seem to stand up, probably slipping from black snow. The woman grunted loud enough for Elsa to hear, drooping her head backwards.

“Ugh, damn it.”

Elsa, being the shy girl that she is, hesitated on going down and help her, but her anxiety whispered to her mind. _She doesn’t need help. You’ll only make her feel worse._ She tried pushing the voice at the back of her head, but then noticed the woman finally standing up and rubbed her hands and clothes covered by dirt. Elsa watched as she looked around and approached a bicycle that she hasn’t noticed first hand. The woman stopped on her tracks and widened her eyes at something that was in front of their house. She turned her head frantically, panicking, and finally found Elsa on the balcony which made Elsa panic too. The woman opened her mouth, then closed, then opened again, thinking of something to say. After a few attempts, she finally spoke.

“Uhm, I’m sorry for uh… breaking your plant pot!” she said in a volume audible for Elsa. The blonde stood there, out of words, staring at the girl’s features. Scared, the woman took her bicycle and rode off the streets, yelling that she’ll replace it tomorrow before completely disappearing in the dark of the night. She stared at where the woman went off, shocked. Her mouth was slightly open, and her mind is swirling with thoughts once again. _You scared her. You are the worst._ Elsa closed her eyes tightly, bringing her hands to her ears to block the voices from whispering to her, but it only gets louder the harder she tries. She shook her head and went back inside, her hands colder and her lips quivering. She went straight to her room and gripped the edge of her mother’s scarf for comfort, and it somehow worked. She let out silent tears, feeling useless and insecure for not helping the woman earlier and not responding to her when she spoke. Despite Destin giving her instructions to text him when something bad happens, she didn’t mind to even open her phone and look for his number. She cried and cried until her consciousness slipped away from her.

~*~*~*~

It was already late when Elsa woke up from a heavy sleep – heavier than her chest when she cried out of anxiety last night. She sat up, the scarf sliding off her shoulders, and rubbed her eyes, still feeling the tiredness of it. She checked her phone for any messages only to find one from Destin, saying that he had to stay in the headquarters for another day.

> _From: Destin Mattias_
> 
> _Sorry for leaving again without telling you. HQ needs me because they’re stupid to work on their own. Cooked breakfast before I left and cleaned the mess outside. Make sure to drink meds before doing anything. Love you._
> 
> _P.S. I know you cried last night. We’ll talk about it when I get home._

Elsa groaned at the last sentence. She checked her pillow and understood how Destin found out. The pillow was full of wet patches, the kind that doesn’t look like drool stain. She pressed on her temple and stoop up slowly, massaging it as she walked down to the dining room. A plate of eggs, bacon and bread is placed in the middle of a round wooden table with a glass of water and her pills beside it, a piece of banana on the other side. She smiled at the sweetness of her friend who she treated as a father. She sat down on a chair and began to eat, placing her phone on her right, facing up for any incoming notifications. She finished her meal in a matter of minutes and chugged on the glass of water after putting a tablet in her mouth. It has become her habit to drink her antidepressants in the morning so she won’t have a problem of getting a panic attack later in the afternoon. Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she brought her plate and glass on the sink and washed it, relieved with the water running on her hands. It’s cold, just like the night breeze, a temperature Elsa loves the most. _As cold as your heart._ She frowned at the voice, focusing on the plate she was holding on the water for a long time before putting it on the dryer.

The pale-skinned blonde went upstairs to the balcony to observe the neighborhood again. The brownish colors of Northuldra emerged clearly under the light of the sun, complementing the whiteness of the snow and the blackness of the streets in between. The once bright roofs turned pale with the ever-increasing ice on top of them, like shaved cream on an edible cone. People wore thick colorful jackets, bonnets and gloves, trying their best to cover all skin and heat themselves. One middle-aged man went out with a bucket of water assumed to be hot from the steam escaping from it and threw it in front of his car. The way the snow melted at the touch of the water satisfied Elsa so much that she stared at it until all snow is gone from it. She looked around to feed her eyes, a dark-haired woman catching her attention. Her light brown fur jacket and hairy bonnet is something peculiar for her. Her boots are as dark as a bark from a tree, and her belt looks like a thick rope wrapped around her waist. Despite the distance, she can still see something shining from her chest, like a pendant, and her slightly tanned face. Her skin color is dark compared to Elsa’s but not as dark as Destin’. A beautiful color, she thought. She admired the woman for her fashion sense which is inspired from nature’s colors and imagined herself wearing the same color of clothes as she approaches her house and-

_Look, she is approaching you._

Elsa’s eyes widened when she realized that the woman she was admiring is already in front of her mini-garden, looking directly at her, a plant pot in hand. She furrowed her brows in confusion, not understanding why a stranger would offer such. The woman looked away, gulping nervously, before looking back and talked.

“Uh, hey… I-I’m the girl last night… the one who broke one of your pots…?” the statement sounded more like a question to her. Elsa squinted her eyebrows, and then she remembered. _It’s the girl you didn’t help because you’re so scared._ She bit her lip to ignore the voice.

“I came back to, uh, replace it because I think you’re mad with me and I’m sorry for, yeah, breaking the pot and a-also for running off. God, this is so embarrassing,” the dark-haired woman rambled, the last sentence coming off like a whisper to herself. Elsa can’t help but to smile a little at the awkward woman, who in turn scratched the back of her neck. She knew it is best to go down to her and take the pot, so she signaled the woman to wait for her and went to her doorstep downstairs, opening multitudes of locks and chains. As she opened the door, the girl stood there, a sheepish smile on her face, her shoulders tense and her eyebrows knitted together. Elsa wanted to smile, but she doesn’t feel the need to do so. Her eyes caught the shining object she saw earlier, and it was indeed a gold hexagonal pendant with strings crossing each other to hold a smaller piece in the middle, something similar to a dream catcher excluding the feathers. She looked up, and she was more surprised to see two brown orbs staring back at her, much more beautiful than the pendant itself. The woman’s eyes glowed a lighter shade with the light of the fireplace striking it, making it seem like balls of fire consuming wood. She stared at them with such amazement, and she can’t seem to remove her intense gaze at her.

_Stop staring, fool. The pot is waiting for you._

Elsa blinked and straightened up. She immediately took the pot, stepped back and shut the door before the woman could even say a word. She leaned her back on the door and hugged the pot to her chest, not minding the dirt that might stick on her clothes. _You really suck at interacting with people. That’s why no one liked you._ She shut her eyes and breathed a little deeper than usual, calming down after exhaling. Curious, she turned the knob and opened her door slightly, peeking through the crack, checking if the girl was still there. She’s gone, much to her relief. She looked at the pot on her hands holding a plant, greener compared to the plants outside. She sighed, going outside completely and placing the pot to where the original once stood. She took the sprinkler just beside another pot and watered all the plants, a thing she enjoyed doing ever since she lived there. When done, she went back inside, her eyes watching the new pot as she remembered the brown of its body to be almost the same with that woman’s eyes.

_I wish I had nice eyes like her_ , she thought to herself, shrugging slightly.


	2. Sweet as Her Name

#  **Chapter 2**

##  **Sweet as Her Name**

“You know, Elsa, you don’t have to do this,” Destin complained to the woman standing in front of the stove, a spatula in her hand and the frying pan handle on the other. Elsa decided to cook for him, one thing she does when she wants to express gratitude. As demanded, Destin talked to Elsa about her crying the other night, and somehow, she felt better. As a gift, she woke up earlier than the man, making sure that he won’t have any choice. She peered from her shoulder, a small smirk on her face, and shook her head playfully. Destin chuckled at the gesture, clearly getting that Elsa won’t take no for an answer.

“Alright, fine. But let me wash the dishes,” he offered, not giving up on convincing her to not work for him. Elsa raised her head a bit, then looked to him and rolled her eyes before nodding once. Destin muttered a small yes and raised a fist in front of him, to which Elsa silently giggled to. These simple interactions with her father figure make her heart feel warm, wishing that Anna would be there too make it feel warmer.

_Anna…_

“Dear, I forgot to tell you,” Destin spoke, an uncertainty evident in his voice, “The home owners president told me that a big party will be held for everyone in the events place tomorrow evening. I know you hate parties and large crowds, but I said yes and- “

Elsa quickly turned her head to the man, his eyes not meeting hers. She turned off the stove first and slipped the scrambled eggs on a plate before she completely faced him with a frown, the words “Why didn’t you asked me first?” written on her face. Destin gulped, looking away from the stern gaze of the blonde.

“I-I swear, I wanted to tell you about it but she pressured me and I had to give her an answer! And besides, it’s just one night, it won’t do much to you. I promise, it will be fun!” Destin panicked with his words, holding his palms like he’s about to surrender. Elsa tilted her head, the furrowing of her eyebrows not leaving her features, and folded her arms to stare at the man. She wanted to stay at home and make herself some hot chocolate and read the rest of her book, but a part of her is telling her to go and try to make friends if she had to. She removed her gaze to the man and looked to the ground to think further, much to Destin’ relief. A few moments of silence and she finally nodded then shrugged, implying that she just can’t say no to her only family at that moment. Destin practically jumped on his seat and ran to Elsa’s side to hug her, the woman returning the action.

“Oh my, thank you so much!” Destin squealed like a high schooler and hugged her tighter. Elsa is kind of regretting saying yes, but with the amount of joy her father figure is showing, she thought that maybe her decision is fine.

_Only once, woman. Don’t mess this up._

~*~*~*~

_I wanna go home now,_ Elsa thought to herself, holding Destin’ arm tightly as they stood in front of the entrance of the jampacked events place. So many faces and it makes her stomach churn, but the man tugged her and whispered to her that everything’s going to be alright. Putting her trust on him, she gulped a bit of her saliva and walked with him, starting to get overwhelmed with the amount of people dancing around in such a small area.

_Only once, Elsa. You can do this,_ she said in her mind.

A few steps and a beating chest, the duo finally stopped in front of an old woman, probably the home owners president Destin was talking about. She looks just like a mother, and Elsa felt a slight comfort from her, her tensed shoulders relaxing slightly from the sudden feeling. The elder smiled at them with amusement and faced them, prompting the others to give them space.

“It’s a pleasure to see you here, Lieutenant,” the woman whose name is Yelana greeted him, raising a hand to shake with his own to which the man took quickly.

“We’re really grateful to be invited. It will be her first time to celebrate with us, so I hope we make her stay in here worthwhile,” Destin replied, looking at Elsa before removing his hand from the handshake. Destin lived in Northuldra longer than she knew, which explains why he knew some of the residents in the area. It’s a good thing that he shared his house to Elsa even though she can find her own in another residence. At least she felt less alone with someone keeping her company.

“Aha, so you’re the girl Mattias was telling me,” Yelana smiled at the blonde and then turned to her escort, “What was her name again?”

“Elsa Arnadalr. She lived in Arendelle before she lived here for… personal reasons,” Destin hesitated on the last part of his explanation, knowing fully that he can’t disclose Elsa’s condition to anyone else without her permission. Yelana’s brow perked up, then nodded with understanding.

“I see. I hope you enjoy the night, Elsa,” She said with a sweet smile which made her smile and nod in agreement. Somehow her worries of ruining everyone’s day disappeared in the slightest bit and made her a little confident. An idea popped in her mind. _Maybe I should go around._ She tugged at Destin and motioned to him that she wants to roam the place, surprising him.

“Are you sure? You want me to accompany you?” Destin asked, worried. Elsa nodded, putting out a thumbs up and then putting the same hand to her chest, indicating that she can handle herself. Destin sighed then said okay. With a nod, she turned and walked to the side of the events place.

Everything about the place is beautiful. The crème-colored marble pillars stood at the sides of the dark tiled floor, creating a circular area. A gorgeous red carpet lined with gold covered the ground, parallel to it is the gold chandelier holding white lightbulbs on the ceiling. The whole place reminded her of a court room in a castle, complete with golden borders and elegant carvings. The tables have been covered with white and crème fabric, and the chairs have small red ribbons tied behind them. The party looked really elegant for seemingly simple residents. Elsa worried that she might be underdressed, but judging the other’s clothes, from fancy long coats to stylish dresses, she thought she looked okay for wearing a gradient blue long-sleeved dress, its length inches below the knee, with sharp edges on the shoulders and a slit reaching up to her thigh, a very pale blue tube and leggings, and boots with a shade darker than her inside garments, all donned with crystal snowflake patterns. She decided not to expose too much skin as she doesn’t want anyone’s attention on her, but she still felt the need to look good. She proceeded to touch one of the pillars, its texture smooth on her hand. She suddenly missed the marble walls in her home back in Arendelle, feeling slightly homesick. She shook her head slightly, distracting herself with the jazz music playing inside the room. It relaxed her, but it’s not enough for the feeling to go away.

_I should walk outside,_ she said in her mind. She glanced at Destin laughing heartily with Yelana and some people before walking out of the place. _He won’t mind me going out, I guess._ As she stepped out, she immediately felt the fresh wind of winter blow on her face. It always feels better to be with nature than inside an establishment full of strangers. She walked a few steps away from the entrance, the sound of jazz slowly fading in the background. If the events place is beautiful, then the outside is breathtaking.

The garden looked like an enchanted forest, the tall trees and the grass covered in snow, glittering under the endless night sky. The moon shone brightly over it, revealing a faint blue mist that seemed like magic. Crickets are chirping and some fireflies glowing around the mist, making it more astounding. At the far end, a frozen pond surrounded by flowers and large lumps of snow reflected the light, its texture looking like glass. She instantly felt connected with the place, a grin starting to grow on her. Giddy, she walked to the middle of the garden under the moonlight, and closed her eyes. She spread her hands beside her, feeling at peace and content. The breeze blew once again, and she smiled the widest as possible. Her heart felt light, and her anxieties she brought that night went away with the wind. Everything felt like heaven in that moment of time.

_“Where the north wind meets the sea,_

_There’s a river, full of memory…”_

Elsa’s eyes opened at the faintest sound of a lullaby; a song closest to her heart. _Who is that?_ She looked around, finding no one.

_“Sleep my darling safe and sound,_

_For in this river, all is found…”_

Her ears perked to her right, looking for the sweet voice. She took small steps towards the wall of the events place, the sound getting louder.

_“In her waters, deep and true,_

_Lie the answers and a path for you…”_

She reached the wall and saw a tree with a woman beside it, her hair dark and her voice soothing. _It was her._

_“Dive down deep into her sound,”_

Elsa hid behind the wall, trying to recognize who she is. She knows she’s seen her somewhere.

_“But not too far or you’ll be drowned…”_

Reaching for the other side of the wall, a lump of snow fell on the ground, causing noise and surprising the singing woman. Elsa panicked and quickly hid behind the wall. _Why do you have to be so dumb?!_ She shut her eyes tightly, not knowing what to do.

“Oh, uh, it’s you.” _Fuck, I’m caught._

_Wait, the voice is familiar._

Elsa opened her eyes and in front of her is the girl with dark hair and brown eyes, a slight pout on her face. _It’s her again._ She inhaled deeply, ready to run away and pull Destin out of the crowd to go home, but was stopped when the woman spoke again.

“So, uh, you’re invited to the party. Heh, what a nice… coincidence,” the girl is struggling with her words, scratching her nape and tilting her head, making her look more awkward than she is with her words. “Mom does it yearly, inviting more and more people and making the place feel smaller. Doesn’t feel _great_ for me.”

_So Yelana is her mother._

Elsa relaxed her tense body a bit, interested with the new information. She can’t believe that someone as composed and formal as Yelana would have such an awkward daughter like her.

“Well, since we’re talking now, maybe I should introduce myself,” the woman cleared her throat before giving her hand, “My name’s Honeymaren Nattura, daughter of Yelana and sister of Ryder, who I assume you still don’t know,” she introduced, her voice laced with failed seriousness, contrary to the sweetness of it when she sang earlier.

Elsa looked at the hand, debating whether she would take it or not, but Honeymaren took it back quickly, using it to clear her throat again.

“Well, I should’ve figured if you’re fine with that, uh, intro,” she grunted, just like when she slipped on her bike, “You know what, I hate formality. Just call me Maren.”

Elsa giggled silently at the woman’s gestures, making her chuckle too.

“I’m sorry if I’m awkward and… weird. I’m just not used to new people around here. But now that you know me, I guess it won’t be an issue to be friends with you,” Maren said, a confident smile on her face. Elsa stared at her eyes, amazed by how it glowed with a tint of blue from the moonlight, not quite comprehending what the other said.

“So, what’s your name?” the dark-haired girl asked, smiling nervously. Elsa blinked at her, not knowing how or what to respond. Maren laughed nervously and continued speaking, “Alright then, keep your secrets.” She then took a slow turn and started walking away, but Elsa tapped her shoulder, surprised at the sudden touch that even Elsa herself got surprised. She motioned her to wait and took out her phone, typing something on it. Maren stood there without a word, waiting for her. A few seconds later, the blonde brought her phone up to her face, reading what was written on it.

_Elsa Arnadalr._

_I’m mute._

Maren made a silent ‘oh’ with her mouth and glanced back to the blonde, now avoiding her gaze and fidgeting with her fingers. She took her phone back in her pocket and remained standing; eyes glued to the ground.

“Now that explains why you never talked…” Realization hit her like a truck, and now she felt conscious for being too talkative. “I-I’m sorry if I talk too much. I guess you don’t like noisy stuff,” she apologized, her brows knitted. Elsa suddenly felt guilty and raised her palms in defense, shaking her head furiously, then smiled shyly, trying to make the other woman feel better. Maren seemed to understand, so she sighed and returned the smile.

“Thanks. So, we’re friends now, right?” she gave her hand once again, and this time Elsa took it to shake, the softness of her hand comforting her. Neither of them is letting go of each other’s hand, and not a single movement was made as they stared at each other with smiles on their faces. It felt like it would never end, so Maren did the favor and let go of Elsa’s hand, scratching at the back of her head.

“Uh, I better leave. Mom will kill me if she sees me not talking to the neighbors,” she stated shyly, looking everywhere but Elsa. “See you some other time…?”

Elsa, with a heart jumping up and down in her chest, nodded once, not really sure what the other said. Maren left without any word, not even looking back to wave. When the dark-haired woman was out of sight, Elsa huffed and hugged herself, suddenly feeling colder. She did not understand what just happened, her mind still fuzzy. In a minute, she finally went back to reality.

_I made a new friend… and her voice is as sweet as her name._

_But, how does she know the song?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehpoca - thank you! and i really agree she needs some hugging :((
> 
> RPGQueen888 - AHAAHHAHAHA i never thought about that when i wrote it, it's hilarious XD
> 
> Guest - thank you sm uwu
> 
> OtakuBaby - im glad you liked it :D
> 
> thank you for the kind words! i promise to do better :DDD


	3. Fresh Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I'M LATE JNSLDSDOXFHDO SCHOOL IS PREVENTING ME HUHUHUHU anyways enjoy!
> 
> TW// anxiety attack

#  **Chapter 3**

##  **Fresh Nature**

Destin is right about one thing – Elsa would _definitely_ have fun. After that encounter with her new friend, Honeymaren, she went back inside, all smiles as she joined her father figure to tell him that she wants to go home and make some hot chocolate for them. At first, he was confused and worried – maybe she felt bad again, but with the never-ending grin on her face and even offering to make hot chocolate, he knew she’s perfectly fine. They bid goodbye to his chatmates and went off.

“You seem… happy,” Destin said in an unsure tone. He doesn’t want to doubt the smiling woman, but it’s really new for him to be like this. Elsa, looking up at the tall man, made an action of handshaking, trying to tell him that she made a friend. Destin got the message instantly, his mouth tugging upwards.

“Oh, that’s awesome! I’m proud of you, Elsa,” Destin wrapped his arm around Elsa’s shoulders and side-hugged her, to which Elsa responded by wrapping her arm to his back and leaning her head towards him. It is indeed something that must be celebrated, as Elsa is afraid of people except her family and Destin. Anna would be so proud of her when she hears about it.

As they reached home, she immediately sped to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water. Her excitement never leaved her as she took out two mugs and put chocolate powder on each of them. She also took out the milk and some marshmallows, and poured a few of the mallows in her mug. Destin on the back is grinning at the giddiness of the blonde, admiring her joy. Elsa turned off the stove and poured the hot liquid on the mugs, added some milk and stirred them simultaneously, two spoons in each hand. When done, Elsa glanced to a leaning Destin and prompted him to sit down and enjoy hot chocolate with her. Smiling, he followed through, the aroma of cocoa reaching his nose. They spent the night laughing and smiling and talking about stuff, not realizing that it’s finally Christmas.

~*~*~*~

Elsa held a basket on her arm as she roamed her eyes around the vegetable stall, looking for something to cook for their celebration. Destin is on the other side of the grocery store, checking out some steaks and chicken. They’ve agreed to make a list of their menu, making sure that the amount would be sufficient for them. It was already noon when they decided to drive to buy groceries. Both of them slept past midnight, waking up at around lunch time. Destin told Elsa that they would eat lunch outside, so they instantly left and went straight to a restaurant outside the residence and then proceeded to the store. Everywhere they go, it’s full of people, making Elsa feel sick, but she can manage the feeling as long as she doesn’t have to interact with them.

The blonde filled her basket with corn, relish, cabbage and some condiments, planning to make a vegetable salad as appetizer. Turning around, she caught sight of a family, the father carrying a baby and the mother holding a toddler by her hand and a jar on the other. The little kid kept reaching for her baby brother, the baby responding with joyful noises, spreading his hands in front of him. The father crouched down, seeing his children’s interaction, and let the big sister carry her brother. The girl is visibly delighted, kissing the top of the baby’s head and leaning her face closer. The mother, who had just finished picking ingredients, peered over them and smiled warmly. The scene made Elsa’s heart hurt, remembering her parents when Anna was a few months old. The memory led to when Elsa accidentally bumped a really heavy porcelain vase on a table and dropped on Anna’s head, causing large cuts on her top. Tears started to form when she remembered how worried her parents were, blood all over the floor to where an unconscious Anna laid. Her fingers started curling on their own when she saw in her head how she avoided Anna after that incident, causing her grades to fail because of the trauma of causing her sister’s hospitalization bugging her. Her whole body shook at the sight of her classmates calling her the worst names and mocking her until she snapped and had her first panic attack. She started walking to an area where there are less people, avoiding the memory of hearing about her parents’ demise for the first time, getting herself hospitalized for banging her head on her room’s wall until crimson red stained the blue wallpaper. Elsa practically ran to a nearby washroom and closed the door shut. Her breathing hitched, the smallness of the washroom not helping at all. She slid her back down to the floor, the basket dropping beside her. She gasped for air, her hands numb and her feet tingling. She wanted to scream for help, but her inability to move a muscle restrained her from doing so. Her already numb hand reached for her chest, gripping on her shirt tightly. Tears can’t stop from flowing and her head felt like it would explode any minute. She sobbed silently, drooping her head forward, not caring if someone can see her at that moment.

_No one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one loves you no one lo-_

An almost inaudible noise came from one of the two cubicles, but Elsa cared less, still weeping. Her breathing is now normal, but her chest still felt heavy. She didn’t move or even flinch when the noise grew, sounding like footsteps approaching her. The sound stopped, feeling that someone was in front of her, so she peeked through her groggy eyes, and she’s right.

She couldn’t recognize the stranger, and she didn’t bother to. The person stood there, making small movements she can’t understand. Eventually, they lowered their body, moving a few inches farther from Elsa so she could have space for herself. They didn’t say anything, just crouching there and staring at her distressed state. Tears are still flowing from her eyes when the person searched for something in their pocket and took out a handkerchief, bringing it near her. Elsa stared at the hanky, blinked, and then took it, wiping her eyes first before her nose. The hanky smelled good, the scent of fresh nature calming her down a bit. It reminded her of when she and Anna went hiking on the mountains and horseback riding on the plains below, making her smile a bit. With her sudden change of mood, she snapped back to reality, realizing that a stranger is watching her at that moment.

_I have to get out of here._

She gripped at the hanky and tried standing up, the stranger helping her. Without looking up, Elsa went to the sink and washed her face, removing any evidence of her crying, and turned quickly to the door, took her basket and left, not even acknowledging the stranger that had helped her. She went straight for the line where Destin was waiting, pretending that nothing happened and at the same time cursing at herself for forgetting to drink her pills before leaving.

~*~*~*~

Destin and Elsa were silent the whole time they traveled, not one of them trying to open up a new topic. The air felt colder and tense, and Elsa is not okay with it. Destin on the other hand is contemplating whether he should ask why Elsa’s eyes are red. Focusing on the road, he finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

“I know you’re not fine,” Destin said with a firmness in his voice, telling Elsa that he won’t be entertaining lies. The blonde went stiff, unconsciously fiddling with the seat belt. She can’t look Destin in the eye, aware of their agreement that Elsa must always be accountable to him. She sighed, giving up on her pride of not telling what happened, and took out the hanky that was given to her earlier. Destin peeked to see what she presented then returned his gaze on the road, nodding once.

“You had an anxiety attack and you didn’t tell me. I could’ve helped you,” he said, tone laced with worry, “You’re lucky someone has a heart to help you. What if no one was there? You could’ve been in a worse situation.”

Elsa looked away and distracted herself on the frost outside the car window. Destin is right – she should’ve gone to him instead of isolating herself again. She sighed, another round of tears swelling. _You made him upset because of your weakness. You deserve to be hated._ Destin looked when Elsa started to sniff, immediately feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry, dear. I’m not upset, I was just worried for you. Just promise me next time, you tell me right away, okay? I’m sorry,” he patted Elsa’s head and rubbed his thumb on her shoulder. She finally looked at the man and nodded, relaxing herself. _Chill out, it’s Christmas day,_ she said in her mind. She then rested her head on the car seat and closed her eyes to take a small nap, something that she thinks she deserves after a tiring breakdown.

~*~*~*~

Christmas was well-spent for Elsa and Destin, pushing away any negative thoughts for a while and letting herself enjoy the food they’ve prepared. Anna video-called Elsa, much to her surprise, a few hours before the day ended. She greeted her, saying sorry for not being there, and talked about a lot of stuff, making her miss Anna and their residence in Arendelle. She decided not to tell her about her attack earlier, not wanting her sister to worry. They enjoyed each other’s stories, Anna doing most of the talking, and even took a picture of her with Kristoff, Sven and Olaf, with Elsa on the top right corner of the photo. When the call ended, Elsa was satisfied. The burden she had earlier faded, and she went straight to sleep, not wanting any unnecessary thoughts to boggle her.

Elsa casually watered her plants, raking away some snow that have been covering the ground so she could sit in the middle and just stay there to breathe. The sun is bright and the breeze is the right kind of cold, the kind that’s enjoyable for Elsa. She took out her pencil and a small notepad, starting to write when a familiar voice called her out of the blue.

“Hey, uh… hello,” Honeymaren waved, her brown and hairy bonnet covered in a thin sheet of snow. Elsa looked at it and Maren seemed to understand it and took out her hat from her head and shook off the snow.

“Been standing here for too long, my bad,” Maren explained, wearing back her bonnet. Elsa let out a small curl on her mouth, almost not looking like a smile. She doesn’t know how to greet her back, so she settled with that.

“Elsa, right? Uh yeah, I was just passing by,” Maren stammered, looking away nervously for no reason. She looked back to her, her eyes trained on Elsa’s clothes. Elsa observed the woman’s expression and the way her mouth tries to form words she couldn’t decipher.

“You’re… fine with _that?_ ” Maren asked with caution, not wanting to offend the blonde. Elsa followed her gaze on her white shirt and purple pajamas. She got weirded out by the question but she totally forgot that she can handle a certain coldness others can’t. She nodded to the dark-haired woman, a puff appearing on the air from her. Maren nodded back then shifted her eyes away from her, not knowing what to say next.

Elsa tilted her head at the side when she saw a box on the dark-haired woman’s arm. She pointed at it, hoping Maren would tell her what it was. She looked at where the blonde was pointing at, and slightly gasped when she understood.

“Oh, yes, I-uh brought something,” Maren went down on her bike and approached Elsa, the blonde stopping whatever she was doing. “It’s a gift for you, my new friend.”

Elsa felt her heart beat faster at the mention of the word ‘you’, not believing that someone she just met bothered herself in buying a gift for her. She motioned her hands to point to herself, asking with her eyes if it was really for her. Maren nodded and smiled sheepishly, giving the gift to Elsa.

“It’s not much, but I hope you like it,” Maren stared at her eyes, the brown color shimmering under daylight. She is always amazed with this woman’s eyes and she doesn’t know why. “Open it now if you want to.”

Elsa obliged and opened the box, a stuffed lizard plush toy inside. The sides are sewn imperfectly, some stiches a bit larger than the other sides. Its eyes are really big, almost like googly eyes, and the blue fabric used for it is really soft on the hand. The backbone up to its tail has purple patches, and underneath it is plain white. It looked like it was made on a rush, but it’s still in a pretty good condition. Elsa put the box on the ground and hugged the plushie, telling Maren that she appreciated it which made her smile happily.

“So, you do like it, huh,” Honeymaren smirked, muttering a little ‘yes’ underneath her breath. “I made it. His name is Bruni.”

Elsa’s ears perked up at the mention of the name. _What a cute name._ She looked at the plushie then back at Maren, bowing a little bit to show her that she’s thankful.

“It’s a pleasure, milady,” Maren bowed back, mimicking a gentleman’s voice that made Elsa chuckle silently. She continued fidgeting with her new plushie, squeezing one of its little feet.

“Hey, uh, Elsa,” Maren started, looking away and a hand on her nape, “Ryder wanted to go to a post-Christmas convention with a light show and he keeps on bugging me to join him, but strictly told me that I should bring one more with us for God knows what reason. Would you, uh, mind if you go out on the 28th with us?” she asked, her face slightly turning red. Elsa noticed how cute she is when she blushes, and wishes to see more of that as their friendship goes deeper. Wanting to know more about her, she nodded with a small smile.

“Great! Mom will drive us there, so be ready when we pass by!” Maren gave her reminders, and Elsa nodded. She went back to her bike and waved goodbye, Elsa waving back at the slightest. The blonde snuggled Bruni close to her face, sniffing on the toy. It smelled like nature, as where it belongs if it were real. She always loved the smell of-

_Wait…_

Elsa sniffed the toy once again, recognizing the smell to be the same with the hanky she had yesterday.

_Fresh nature. She smells like fresh nature._

Her mouth dropped and her face turned a bright red, realizing that her first friend was _that_ person who saw her sobbing.

_God, I wish I didn’t say yes. I am so embarrassing._

The blonde put a hand on her forehead, massaging on her temples, thinking of ways to decline Maren’s offer. She won’t be able to handle the fact that the other woman might be thinking she’s ugly and messed up after that incident. _That’s right, you are._ A solid minute of silence passed and she’s still standing there.

_But she asked me to go out with her and her brother,_ Elsa rebutted to the voice.

_It’s out of pity. She doesn’t really want to be friends with you._

Elsa bit her cheeks then shook her head. She sighed, knowing she can’t win against that voice, and went inside, thinking of ways to ditch her friend without hurting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my readers and the people who commented on my work! I love yall so much aaaaaaaaaa

**Author's Note:**

> I have the whole fanfic written but I will post one chapter at a time to listen to suggestions!


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